Web Travails – January 2012

So, in the first of what I hope will be an ongoing series to document the sometimes strange and interesting places I end up on the web, here’s where I’ve been lurking this month…

Have you ever thought about an actor you haven’t heard about for ages and wondered what they’re up to now? Maybe it’s just me having nothing better to think about but I do it all the time (what, for instance, happened to Rachael Leigh Cook from She’s All That? Okay, a quick search on imdb.com has revealed she’s been working all this time but I’m not a Robot Chicken fan so how would I know? Speaking of She’s All That, I watched another similar-but-not-really Freddie Prinze Jr. offering called Down to You on Netflix last night. It wasn’t great. Why did Freddie and Julia Stiles fall out so easily? Why did he pine after her for so bloody long instead of growing a pair and moving on? Why was he not locked up by the nice men in white coats for drinking shampoo of all things? What the hell was up with Julia Stiles’s walk?! Anyway, I’ve digressed…) Another actress you might not have heard about for a while is Heather Donahue from The Blair Witch Project.

You remember her now, right? – the hysterical girl with the bungee jumping snot. Well, it turns out she’s been growing medicinal marijuana since 2007. I kid you not; she’s even written a book about it:

I should thank Gef of Wag the Fox for posting this on Facebook. Closer inspection of Growgirl: How My Life After the Blair Witch Project Went to Pot actually reveals it to be well written and more than a little intriguing, starting with Donahue’s life as a sometime actress and charting the ensuing fallout from Blair Witch Project media mania. It’s not available for Kindle though

When I’m not obsessing over the fate of late 1990′s teen movie stars, I love reading about other writers’ lives, particularly anything about how they write. It’s probably something that’s only of interest to another writer, but Susannah Conway’s interview with dark fantasy author Justine Musk is a really interesting example of this. She talks about how her ideas come to her (often while rocking out in her car, of course), how a daily word count doesn’t work for her and how she deals with writer’s block. If you’re into this kind of thing, Susannah has a whole series of interviews like this on her blog. They’re called My Creative Life and they’re excellent.

My favourite photograph this month is this portrait of a girl with the most beautiful red hair found at ThatBohemianGirl.

Wouldn’t she make a great character in a story?

Finally, I found this site yesterday – Baby Goth Knits – and instantly wanted to own/make everything on it. BabyGothKnitter, site founder and self-confessed ex-hellraiser and mother of three, makes all her knits herself and sells them on eBay and Etsy. Her stuff’s reasonably priced too.

I am so in lust.

Beam Me Up, Baby

On Sunday, while watching Homeland with Mr Smith and wondering about the truly minuscule size of Claire Danes (which seemed cute in Romeo and Juliet but now looks scary… great actress though), I finally finished something I started almost a year ago to the day. May I present the Baby Star Trek Suit, in all its geeky glory (please excuse the ducky feet…)

This little woolly suit means a lot to me because I was actually sewing in the zip when I got the call from the hospital back in April to say they had a bed ready for me and I was able to go in to be induced (the Sprogling didn’t want to come out, even though I’d drowned myself in raspberry leaf tea and burnt off the rest of the taste buds that smoking hadn’t already killed with the hottest curries known to man). Hence, the Trek Suit went back into a drawer, full of pins, where it laid unfinished and unloved until this month when the realisation dawned on me that if I didn’t pull my finger out, the Sprogling would outgrow it… I’m happy to say it fits her perfectly and she even has some room left in it. I’m not happy though (or proud, for that matter) to say that my neurotic inner geek is now niggling me because I’ve just realised I embroidered (if you can call it that) the wrong style Starfleet badge onto the wrong style of uniform.

Sometimes geeks are cool…

Sometimes they’re really not…

I fear I have now fallen into the latter category.

Perhaps I should be more concerned by the fact that my Star Trek badge looks like a squashed insect.

Life in a Sweat Box

I think I’m having a strange summer. The weather was beautiful until July (yes, I know us Brits are obsessed with the weather) and then it clouded over, trapping all the heat beneath and turning my little corner of the world into a clammy sweat box. I’m terrible when the climate is like this: I’m constantly uncomfortable and my brain turns to mush. I’m sure that knitting like a mad woman for the last two weeks to prepare for the upcoming street market I’ve signed on to do hasn’t made matters any better. Perhaps sitting for hours with a rapidly growing length of knitted fabric pooling on my lap isn’t the best way to cool down. I’m really looking forward to this market though. It’s in a village outside Exeter called Silverton on Saturday August 7 – Gates open at 10am (more details can be found on their website). I’ve actually attended this market before with a poorly thought out jewelry venture (basically, it was boxes of cheaply made costume jewelry gleaned from Ebay), but that was another lifetime ago. There’s always a theme at the Silverton Streetmarket and the locals dress up and compete in a fancy dress competition. This year the theme is musicals, so I’m hoping to see some Phantoms! (though I suppose the black cape would be a tad heavy for August…)

At least all the knitting has made me eager to start writing something new. I finished the first draft of Jinn Nation about two months ago; and I felt so drained when it was done I’ve barely started to edit it. Now though, a delicious kernel of a new idea is slowly turning and brewing in my overheated mind… I’m also planning to do something exciting with my zombie novella, The Undead Alliance – More details soon! I think knitting and crafting is a good excuse to let my mind wander and refresh itself, returning with new story ideas. I’ve been talking to some really interesting people through my radio show, Write Around Devon (every Thursday from 2-3pm UK! – www.riviera.fm) and last week I interviewed Susan Young, author of The Ultimate Defiance and creator of the Two Stories photographic exhibition. She’s also a keen wildlife photographer and she was telling me how waiting for hours, camera poised, for the perfect animal shot gave her plenty of time to plan her writing. I think this ‘planning’ time is important. Other people take a walk every morning and think about what they’re going to write that day. It all seems like quality procrastination to me and that’s where I am right now, entrenched in some high quality procrastination

I already have more local writers lined up to interview on the radio show and even more in the pipeline. Here’s a rundown:

22 July – Patricia Oxley – Creator and editor of the Acumen Literary Journal and organiser of the annual Torbay Poetry Festival.
29 July – Zion Lights – Author of More Things Should Be Thought Out Thus.
12 August – Graham Sclater – Author of Hatred is the Key.

I’m still looking for guests to interview and books to review, so if you’re a writer of anything in the South Devon area – fiction, non-fiction, poetry, even blogs – or if you have a new book out that you’d like to promote, send me an email and I’ll get you on the air

And finally… An old irritant has reared its ugly, botoxed head. Back in October, I pondered the question of why people buy glamour model Katie Price’s fiction when she openly admits to hiring a ghost-writer for every turd of a novel that has ever had the misfortune of having her name splashed across the cover. I never did get an answer. Well, she’s about to unleash more literary nonsense upon the world, prompting these search terms to pop up in my incoming links doo-dah on WordPress – “when is katie price next novel out” and “katie price new novel”. People!! If you’re so enamoured by novels to which the only contribution the so-called author has made is her name (and her signature on the hefty contracts), at least put me out of my misery and tell me why you read them. Please? Anyway… If you have come here from Google after following my ‘Katie Price’ tags, at least click this turgid link and send some Amazon Associates pennies my way (does this make me a two-faced, bandwagon-humping fool? Quite possibly).

Paradise (Hardcover) by ‘Katie Price’ – released July 22, 2010 (available for pre-order).

Blurb
When vacuous model Angel was forced to make a life-changing decision and choose between Ethan, the rich and famous Californian baseball player, and giving her marriage to poor-as-dirt, failing football player Cal another go, many were stunned when she picked Ethan. But life in LA is good: Ethan uses her and Honey to get his mug in all the celebrity magazines, making huge sums of cash; and their life could not be more glamorous. But nothing is perfect, and after a year together problems are beginning to surface: a stalker seems to have singled out Angel, her silicone implants have begun to sag; and when Ethan faces financial ruin the couple are ‘forced’ to star in a reality TV show about their life together, sickening the country and causing thousands to turn off their TVs in disgust. Despite everything, though, Angel is convinced that Ethan is the man for her. So why does she always feel breathless when Cal is around? (especially once he signs a new football contract and is able to buy a pink-painted mansion with a paddock out the back?) And why can’t she stop thinking about him and his new younger, even larger breasted girlfriend? But as the tabloid headlines have always been quick to point out, the path of true love for our moronic celebrity has not always been smooth (nor have the huge offers from OK Magazine for the exclusive rights to print pictures of her emergency bowel investigation always been forthcoming).

Sounds like a page turner!

Cazz Crafts

I’ve just found out I’ll be live on The Jon Atkins Show on Riviera FM, Mon 17 May at 7.00 PM to talk about my writing and new crafty venture, CazzCraft Riviera FM is a new community radio station broadcasting in Torquay, but anyone can listen in all over the world from their website: http://www.riviera.fm. I’m quite excited! (which is far better than being pants-wettingly terrified like I was before appearing on the radio for the first time last year…)

I think I’ll primarily be talking about CazzCraft, my new crafty business. I started this late last year to try and generate some extra money, and I’ve been really enjoying it I started by selling my hand-knitted items; and I’ll soon be branching out to sell my own knitting pattern collections (wooo, exciting!) It’s going fairly well so far. I exhibited my woolly wares at Exeter’s first KNIT expo in April and I’ll be attending a craft fair called Ladies Indulgence Day at the Passage House Hotel, Newton Abbot Devon on Saturday 9th October 2010 (email Melanie Tinne for more details). I also sell online at Etsy (US) and Folksy (UK). I make all sorts of gifts, accessories and clothes, but I think these original design faeries are my favourite creations…

Want to check out CazzCraft and maybe buy yourself some handmade goodness? (you know you want to!) I have a website and a blog.

Put the Knitting Needles Down!!

*** Fibre Geekery Alert! ***

I’ve already mentioned that I like to knit. Well, when I’m deep into procrastination mode, I also like to look at knitting patterns, blogs about knitting; and even social networking sites devoted to knitting (I did warn you this was going to be geekery-heavy…) Anyhoo, this blatant perusal of fibre porn inevitably leads me to inspired blogs like this – You Knit What??, a gallery of horrors displaying some of the most atrocious items ever crafted from yarn. Some particular gems are the eye-watering jumper that looks like a lady garden, the toddler’s straight jacket and this fun fur nightmare. Sadly, the blog is no longer being updated, but it did inspire me to share some of the revolting knits I’ve found on my own internet travels (and believe me, there are many, many to choose from, eek!).

Warning – The following pictures are not for the faint of heart!!

Do you think this child grew up to be a well-rounded, productive member of society? No, me neither.

And then someone inflicted it on a poor, innocent Blythe doll. That’s just cruel.

This wouldn’t keep you very warm! Apparently, it’s a merkin which, according to Wikipedia, is “a pubic wig, originally worn by prostitutes after shaving their genitalia.” Nice.

This is called the Hunter’s Set (honestly). Rapist couture for the prowler with taste.

Because I’ve always wanted to dress like a giant condom.

Woolly body bag? Creepy punishment system? Who the hell knows? All I know is, there’s an entire website filled with similar bizarre knits by this designer, all for sale at ridiculously extravagant prices. Here’s another one:

Wait, it gets better…

This inexplicable sweater (cape? poncho?) could be used as a Halloween costume. Possibly.

This one just freaks me out. Useful if you’re a blind cave fish with a cold face.

Finally, for the uber-geek, why not knit an ugly hat on purpose?! Firefly fans will no doubt remember the episode that Jayne is sent a hideous hand-knitted hat in a package from his mother, which he proceeds to wear for the entire episode. If you’re having trouble remembering it, here it is in all its orange, ear-flappy glory:

Well, now you can knit your own. Goddess bless the internet.

Busy Frozen Bee

Happy new year, everyone I’m still here, I’ve just been in hiding – keeping warm against the currently near-arctic UK temperatures and busy writing new articles for Suite101. I signed up as a contributing writer in October and as my trial period is nearly up, I have to make sure I’ve uploaded at least ten articles or I get kicked off the team (eek!) Hence, these delights are now hot off the press and ready for your perusal:

Why E-Readers Will Change the Way You Buy Books – How Can Authors Combat E-Book Piracy?

Etsy – A Homemade Success Story

Knitted Toys – A Modern Phenomenon

Notice how I’ve managed to combine my two passions, writing and knitting? That’s the nice thing about Suite101 though, you really can write about anything you like (as long as it’s properly formatted, correctly cited and the pictures you include have commercial reuse rights… their Learning Hub section is more detailed than most car manuals). Plus, I’ve already made 19 cents in ad revenue, woo hoo, we’re eating steak tonight! (or maybe not…)

Here’s something completely unrelated… While I was researching the phenomenon of writers offering their novels for free online, I came across a new writer (new for me, anyway, the woman in question has sold about a million short stories and won about two million awards, I was just late to the party) who seems so awesome I thought I should mention her. As well as being a poet and short story writer, Catherynne M. Valente is the author of nine novels, two of which are available online. The Ice Puzzle can be read for a $10 subscription fee and a young adult novel reminiscent of Lewis Carroll called The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland In A Ship Of Her Own Making is offered on an intriguing “read for free and pay what you think it’s worth basis”. If you like highly original, well written fantasy, I strongly suggest you have a looksie.

Now, please excuse me while I head off to knit some sort of blanket to roll myself in, ready for the 20 centimetres of snow that’s been predicted to fall across Devon tomorrow. Oh joy.

What Happened to Summer?!

I’m a very, very bad blogger – I haven’t posted since July. Apparently, in order to create a successful blog you have to post several times a week. Well, I post several times a year, does that count?! In my defence, I have been keeping myself busy. I’m very nearly into writing the last part of Jinn Nation (A.K.A. The New Book) and have a much better idea of how it will end. I’ve had a birthday so I’m now (eek!) twenty-seven and can no longer claim to be in my “early twenties” – sigh. Since coming out of the woolly closet and admitting my love of fibre arts, I’ve also created an Etsy shop where I’ll be selling weird-looking dolls, unique sweaters and other pieces of knitted fabulousness

My sister’s birthday is just a few days before mine, so because something you’ve made yourself is the best present (and because I’m currently poorer than a church mouse with an employment-hindering limp and a speech impediment), I spent the best part of August whipping up these visual delights:

My attempt at Andy Warhol from Carol Meldrum’s Knitted Icons: 25 Celebrity Doll Patterns

One very happy birthday girl

This is a cropped sweater with long sleeves that end in fingerless gloves. Psst! I’m offering these sweaters for sale at my Etsy Shop!

Something else that’s occupied a lot of my time has been the promotion of Dunraven Road. Easier said than done. I’ve been emailing reviewers, phoning local book shops and badgering my local press. Thankfully, my efforts weren’t in vain and (among others) I’m currently waiting on book reviews from the rather fabulous Harry at Temple Library Reviews and from the nice folks at TeensReadToo. I’ve also managed to get some copies of the book into my local bookshops. If you’re in the South Devon, UK area and are hankering for a dark fantasy novel about love, addiction and vampires in the faded backstreets of a fictional Devon town (that’s actually based on St Marychurch in Torquay), you can now purchase Dunraven Road from The Torbay Bookshop, Paignton, WH Smith, Torquay and WH Smith, Teignmouth.

Now, I think I’ve skived off long enough and I need to get back to Jinn Nation…

In Which I Decide To Come Out Of The Woolly Closet…

…But before that exciting announcement (!), I have a plan for those of you who would like their copies of Dunraven Road signed. I’ve decided to create some signed bookplates for anyone who would like one, all I need from you is the cost of postage (I don’t want to sound stingy and would love to send the bookplates out for free, but blah, blah, credit crunch, blah, blah, recession… You get the idea). So… here’s a nifty chart I whipped up with postage details for different countries:

Europe: £1.72

United Kingdom (Excludes Channel Islands): £0.59

United States: £3.00

Rest of the world: £3.00

Unfortunately, WordPress refuses to show the neat little PayPal buttons I made, so if you’d like a signed bookplate please head over to my website.

Now for my dark secret… I’m a secret knitter! No, I’m not “old before my time” as someone once suggested, because I make stuff like this…

I proudly present to the world, Fry and Leela from Futurama. I made these as a birthday present for my husband – who knew a grown man could get so much pleasure from two knitted dolls? Here’s Fry and Leela, um, relaxing?:

If anyone is interested, I used patterns from Carol Meldrum’s awesome Knitted Icons: 25 Celebrity Doll Patterns. My sister bought me this book and I can’t thank her enough. If you haven’t seen the knitted Ghandi, you haven’t lived

Also, while I’m on the subject… Were these two separated at birth?!

Phillip J. Fry

La Roux

Interesting if true…